Unspoken Rule Leaves Kirchner Unimpressed

An unspoken rule relating to traffic flow left Jeff Kirchner extremely unimpressed late on the morning of Sunday, February the 4th. The unwanted-unspoken rule came as 2 lanes merged into 1, just off the California 405 freeway.

Kirchner, already fueled by the negative implications surrounding the word ‘tardy,’ found himself incredibly irate and thusly unimpressed as he was forced to let other drivers merge into ‘his’ lane. Kirchner’s ‘gut reaction’ to driving led him to believe it was his right to proceed at a steady rate considering traffic was merging into the lane he currently occupied. When it became apparent the other cars were expecting Kirchner to allow their entrance into ‘his’ lane, Kirchner began an open discussion as to why he should never have to let anyone merge in front of him, ever. Referencing the words ‘lazy’ and ‘stupid,’ Kirchner took his newly sequestered anti-courtesy driving convictions one step further claming to never merge again. Moments after realizing merge-less driving is impossible in LA, Kirchner backed off his single lane proclamation, though attempting to argue its legitimacy.

Kirchner remains unimpressed by said unspoken rule and claims he will continue his fight against traffic patterns he deems unjust... and most stop signs.

Kirchner Brash; Wastes Time

In what appeared to be a deliberate attempt to decrease productivity/promote confusion, Jeff Kirchner evaded logic and significantly wasted time late Monday morning. The utter waste of time came shortly after Kirchner, overzealous after an a.m. 24hour Fitness ‘work out,’ attempted to chart a new passage out of the Sherman Oaks Galleria parking garage. Mystifying his passenger/friend Matt Moore and an awkwardly waving Galleria patron/pedestrian, Kirchner’s attempt at plotting a skillful alternate passage from the garage only resulted in creating a greater distance between his vehicle and any legitimate exit.

Despite Kirchner’s routine “This looks good” and “I know where we are,” Moore’s frustration was evident in his heavy sighs and sarcastic comments loosely based on having “Nothing better to do.”

Moore’s resentment to Kirchner’s navigational ‘prowess’ quickly came to its zenith as Kirchner maneuvered the vehicle onto a subterranean level clearly marked ‘Restricted Parking Only-No Exit.’ The error was swiftly corrected without mention of fault, though Kirchner’s attempt at classifying the voyage under ‘new exploration’ was met with stern opposition and lack of eye contact from the passenger seat.

Moore is currently seeking compensation for the time lost by simply requesting Kirchner shower prior to lying on the couch following further workouts.