Kirchner Sustains Note, Friends Bored

In an attempt to generate merriment Jeff Kirchner sang AND held a musical note far too long late in the afternoon on Monday, March 12th. The note, which was held for no shorter than 15 seconds (eternity to those in ear-shot), was intended to showcase Kirchner’s wit in relation to the previous day’s calendar abbreviation. Friends/witnesses Dan McCollister and Matt Moore were completely blindsided as Kirchner excitedly discussed the lack of celebratory recognition for the calendar day March 11th, or 3/11. McCollister was baffled as to how Kirchner chose not to select a ‘song’ from the 311 catalogue, but instead chose to ‘sing’ and sustain the words “Three Elevvvvvvvvvvvvven” for an amount of time that can only be described as ‘inappropriate.’

The situation as a whole did little to better the emotional state of either McCollister or Moore, as it only enforced an already looming sense of indifference toward Kirchner’s usual material

Moore’s Parody Leaves Friends Unimpressed

Self-proclaiming it a ‘misunderstood mistake,’ Matt Moore’s reference and parody of a popular ‘comedian’ was met with ill-favor late Thursday night. In a failed attempt to retain friends’ attention, Moore made an uncharacteristic verbal mistake uttering the phrase “Get ‘er done” in relation to friends Jeff Kirchner and Dan McCollister. Moore confusedly claims the phrase was intended to stir humor in his friends, as it was to be the climax to what was at the time a successful banter session.

“I don’t know what happened. One second I was talking about a hot girl from work, and the next second I’m uttering poorly conceived catch-phrases,” said Moore still shook up by the event. “Granted, I started to loose them toward the end of the convo, but I just don’t understand how I thought this phrase would bring them back.”

Immediately following the outburst, Kirchner and McCollister acknowledged Moore’s mistake with disappointed facial expressions and the apparent discovery of things to do elsewhere.